will i ever be or feel normal again?

I have been thinking a lot about this lately...I don't think I am depressed by any means, but stuck in a rut. I'm not sure if I will ever climb back out and be on the top either. I would like to think that I will be able to, but can't seem to find the will power or where to get help to get back....

I'm always tired lately...I usually blame it on af, but af has been over for a week now. I know I don't get to bed as early as I would like to and I get up early. I just need a few minutes each night to get things done that I haven't gotten done all day...clean up after dinner, fold laundry, put dishes away etc. Then I will finally collapse into the computer chair to catch up on the outside world. I "talk" to my friends Amy and Jess, read email, and that's about it. Even lately we've all be so busy that I haven't been able to talk to them much. I wish they lived closer so they can save me from my insanity.

Of course I have my husband, but he has things to do when he gets home as well. He also is not very good at managing his time. He has gotten better in helping around the house kind of...I am still waiting for him to clean his office and set up a sewing table so I can get back to the things I love to do! Like making quilts, pillows, or working on some fundraising stuff for the March of dimes. Maybe I would feel like just a drag or that my life is just boring...

I would love to go to a scrapbook class or even the gym, but all these things cost money. Don't people realize they need to hold these things for free or cheap so people like me can get out of the house and do something? I am still suffering from cabin fever. Hopefully tomorrow and Friday I will get out of the house to do something other than going to the dr. I just wish I had someone to do it with. All my friends work and live in other parts of the state...

I'm thinking I should talk to my dr how I don't sleep as well as I once did, but he can't really give me something to help that. If he did, then I wouldn't be able to hear my son if he happens to wake during the night. Keith won't be able to hear him...So I am at a stand still.

Somedays I think I need a shrink to help me unravel my life. But you know that cost money and finding the time to do it. Why don't they have more resources for people out there, so they don't feel down in the dumps all the time. Maybe they do and I just don't know where to find them, help? anyone?

I know I need to loose weight, but I can't seem to find the time to push myself into doing it. I don't get a lunch break, like I used too. I'm lucky I am able to sit and type this blog while both boys sleep...Gosh what I wouldn't give to sleep! I need to force myself into this...I know there isn't any easy way. We have altered our eating habits and of course don't you know, my husband looses weight and I seem to gain it? I crave chocolate so we won't talk about the Easter candy I bought and have been feeling guilty about eating ever since...

I'm not sure if the dr will be much help or what he will be able to tell me. Go to bed earlier and find the time to be myself would be a good start. But something always seems to come up and my expectations seem to fizzle.

Someday maybe I won't feel like this!