so it seems...

that once you are down there is no getting back up and people just constantly just kick you right back down.

It doesn't seem to matter what I do lately but can NOT get out of this funk. one thing happens, then another, and another, and another!!

I constantly clean my house and yet it still is dirty/cluttered(i guess that happens when you have an 18 month old, a husband, and a dog) but come on can't a girl catch a break? Apparently not...

I stay home EVERYDAY and when I do go out its to the grocery store nothing ever fun. The price of groceries and the cost of living might just be breaking us and I can't help but wonder what will come next...

I have no one to watch my son other than my husband. I can't always get him to take time off work so I can go to the dr or dentist when needed. Most times I just take Avery with me, but I can't take him to the dentist when I'm getting a filling(which is tons of fun in itself!) I had to reschedule the filling b/c people can't be bothered to take time to spend time with a certain somebody. Its not like I am always pawning off my child to someone. He is with me every minute of everyday(mostly). My husband and I can't go out without him for this very reason.

I plan a party and now that is blowing up in my face and all i was trying to do was do something nice for my deserving husband. Now he can't have a very important person in his life come....b/c its a "hassle". ALthough, I'm thinking I'm going to go get her anyway and if they want to be mad let them be...

I am just so tired of fighting and trying to meet everyone's expectations. I shouldn't have to live for anyone else but myself and my son. I shouldn't have to have such high standards and then have them come crashing down! Afterall i am a human being and NO one can be perfect all the time. I question my ability of being a good mom all the time and when people question it or comment on it, boy does that make me feel even shittier. I for once would like to hear I'm doing a great job instead of "oh he hits...or fresh isn't he" no he's not fresh he's a little boy who is exploring the world around you. who is going to test you every second of his life....

I try so hard to keep everyone held together and happy, well what about me? why don't deserve to be happy and not constantly have my life fulfilled with others expectations!

I sometimes wonder if I was cut out to be in this life I am living now...maybe I need a professional! Because I just feel very crappy right now!