As I was watching "The Secret Life of an American Teenage" the other night, it dawned on me about how scary giving birth at the age of 16 is!!
All of a sudden I looked at Keith and was like "i'm 27, have given birth already, and I'm still terrified!!" what do people are 15/16 think...they must be petrified!! I can't even imagine! Especially without the support of my husband.
I am a little less than 10 weeks away from having my second baby and well I'm so scared! I think it just comes with the territory of not knowing what's going to happen and that things could go wrong. I remember being scared with Avery, then being scared of having a c/s(c-section), but I somehow managed to get through it...maybe it was the drugs!
We have been talking about whether we will have another c/s or go for a vbac(vaginal birth after c/s). I want a vbac b/c I want to KNOW what others are experiencing and sometimes I just feel cheated that I didn't feel the "pain" of real child birth. Although I did feel the pain of recovery...which wasn't so much fun. Stairs and getting up and down were my enemy then...
I could easily schedule a c/s for when my sister would be around and she could stay with Avery. My mom would also be able to take 1 or 2 days off to help as well. Then I could have Keith take half days or at least KNOW for sure when he would be off...without pay. He doesn't have any vacation time so what he takes is our loss. I just haven't figured out how I can get Avery up and down the stairs for nap/bed time. Getting off the couch or bed is going to be hard enough!
I won't even get into my thoughts on my mil...if I do have a vbac I have terrible anxiety about leaving Avery with her. I am trying to get over it, but its not working! She just doesn't know Avery well enough for me to be comfortable with it. All my friends work full time or live forever and a year away so that won't help!
I'm afraid I will go through labor and not progress like I should and end up with another c/s. I won't be induced or have an epi b/c they can cause rupture of the uterus or stall labor. If I am going to have a vbac I don't want ANYTHING to stand in the way of it. There is a small change of rupture with a vbac, but its not that much more than if this was a first child.(less than 1% chance). But in labor anything can happen...I just want me and the baby to be fine and healthy. I don't want the longer recovery time of a c/s, but on other aspects it will be better! I don't know what to do or how to do it! Unfortunately, I don't think there is any easy answer...nevermind an easy way out!
I just have to put my faith and trust in God that he will watch over the both of us...even Avery too. After all that baby boy deserves his mommy back too! Although, I will miss one on one time with...but I don't get it very often now anyway. You would think I would be used to it by now! I don't think you ever get over the love you have for your first child...just like you may never get over your first true love! Luckily for me...I'm married to him!
So as March rolls around, just keep myself and baby in your prayers!
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3 comments:
I know it is a hard decisioin, but you will figure out what is best for all of you. the knowing that Blake would be set played a big roll in my choosing to have a 2nd c/s. Also the recovery wasn't as bad for me the 2nd time because I didn't have the surgery after 20+ hours of labor so I wasn't as tired and could recover faster. I will say that I left the hospital both times off the pain meds if that give you an indication of my pain tolerance. As for helping Avery, it was hard not being able to lift Blake, but I was lucky enough to have help the first 2 weeks and then I was ready to take over from there.
I hope you find some peace in your decision whatever it is
I know it's a tough decision, but I'm here for you whatever you decide! I'd be more than happy to come out and help you out if you need me. Just say the word. :)
#1, you're 27, not 26 anymore... #2whatever you decide will be what is best for both you and baby richardson, I can always take some vacation and come and help out if needed! :) Love ya!
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